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Grief
April 1, 2012 12:04 PM | Tagged as Forgiveness, goldenheart hypnosis center, Grief, hypnosis, Hypnosis Illinois, hypnotism, hypnotist, Sharron Magyar, Soul Loss

 

 

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains".

--Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919

 

I cannot tell you the shock of one day your child is living and the next she is dead. Never mind the circumstances. First there is mindboggling numbness. I could not feel anything except denial. . . It can’t be true that my daughter is dead; I am in a living nightmare. Mind altering numbness, I couldn’t think, take care if my body, interact reasonably with anyone. Worst of all was all of the inane comments people make to you out of their own pain and discomfort! I have not lost my mind so why would you say such stupid things to me like, "She’s in a better place," or "I understand how you feel." Like hell you understand how I feel! All of my energy was sucked out of my body and it took Herculean effort just to walk from one room to another.

Then my mind, body and emotions begin to awaken and all there was was pain. I cried and cried and cried until there are no more tears to cry.

Washington Irving said this about crying: "There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love."

I did not feel powerful, I wanted to die! Most of the tears were silent and alone because I was ashamed to let anyone see me so vulnerable, but not always. One day it was a beautiful day and I went to McDonalds to get some breakfast and as I was sitting there eating my sandwich a memory of Tammy snuck up on me and I started to cry then and there out of the blue. I felt my face fill with shame because I couldn’t control the tears. To make matters worse a good friend from out of town was there and when he saw me he came over to comfort me. Again I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I put him in the position to "feel" for me. I could give myself permission to deal with my feeling but it was so hard to deal with other’s feelings about the situation too.

I could not focus on anything for any length at a time, I forgot appointments, lethargy settled upon me. I had hardly enough energy to get dressed, cook a meal let alone think clearly about anything. I forgot to pay bills. When I think of that time period I do not remember most of it. Spiritually I was checked out of my body. I wanted to be mad at God, but a part of me knew that he knew what was best and Tammy’s suffering was over, but it didn’t make the pain go away. Maybe I could take drugs or drink, but I really knew that wasn’t for me. I began to realize I had to surrender to my grief and understood there was no shortcut through this despair. Some days I thought I was going crazy as I would be fine one moment and on my knees the next. The unpredictability of grief was driving me nuts! I expected the emotional component but the physical devastation it took on me left me uncentered and debilitated.

My heart was broken and I didn’t know how to put it back together again. I just prayed my life would not be stuck in this grief and God would find a way to get me through it.

 Finally I get out from under the shock enough to begin to realize I needed a way to express my grief and I began to write and write and write. I told Tammy’s story and my journey with her through her life and I could begin to see the light in the world. I was gentle and patient with myself. If I needed to sleep, I slept. If I didn’t feel like being social, I wasn’t social. No apologies, I simply had to do what I had to do to survive. I made an effort to eat right and exercise as much as I was able to and I was unbelievable selfish, all I could manage was focusing on my needs and me. All I could do was give myself permission to experience the pain and not allow myself to fall into the "what if" trap. I allowed myself to be surrounded by loved ones when I could; it was ok that it was not always. All I could do was cling to hope. I will get better. There will come a time when I will find some degree of joy in life again. I know my life has been changed forever, and I can never fill the void left by my daughter’s death, but I pray I will learn to live with it in a meaningful way.

I had no choice but to trust the grief process and cling to the hope I would survive and that God had plans for my life. It was hard to see those plans out of the darkness. Just when I thought things were getting better a deep depression descended upon me.

I could not remember anything; my thoughts were doom and gloom. I could not see anything positive about life. There was one part me observing. . . so this is what depression is like, another part experiencing. I went to the Dr.; he put me on an antidepressant. I hated it and my body said no way! I was in a dark hole and couldn’t climb out by myself. I guess I just have to hold onto the faith that I will work through the depression. I pray and pray each day for God to lift the depression and finally he does.

I am changed, a transformation has happened. I still have moments when grief springs up unexpectedly but they are fewer and fewer. I remember the good times with my daughter with happiness and I let go of the sorrows she brought into my life. I am free from the pain of seeing my daughter suffer from addiction and being helpless to prevent it. My daughter is in a better place, free from the pain of her life on earth, her life of struggle with addiction; her learning of forgiveness was meaningful. I have empathy and understanding of what it is like to be in a dark place and feel you cannot get out and now I can recognize grief in others whether it is grieving the loss of a person or grieving the loss of something in a person’s life. I thank God for that blessing in all of this and I wear my newfound wisdom with humility.

 


Posted By Sharron Magyar
I Forgive My Past Experiences
February 19, 2012 12:05 PM | Tagged as Forgiveness, Golden heart hypnosis Center, hypnosis, Hypnosis Illinois, Soul Loss

 

                           

The ego is a two-sided coin. It helps to protect us, maintain appropriate boundaries and assists us in growing, learning and functioning in daily life. The other side of the coin is the ego can become stuck in the victim mentality. Sometimes bad things do happen to you and you become frozen in your reaction to those bad things. The Ego is continually trying to make you look good and feel good. Staying the victim will let you off the hook by allowing you to believe that your circumstance is everyone else's fault. Questions you could be asking yourself are "Why does this always have to happen to me?"Do you believe in fate or do you think you're in control of your life? Do you think you're responsible for what happens to you?

 

The victim feels that he or she's been treated unfairly and they can never see a way out. They literally believe they're trapped and sometimes believe that he or she deserves to be punished. Victims are into trauma and drama while creating stress and pain for themselves. It makes them feel important when they can convince themselves they have huge problems, the ego likes that.

 

We all have moments when we think life hasn’t treated us fairly. We all have times when we may be angry and blame others for our misfortune. Sometimes life’s events may make us feel we even need to be punished and deserve to be a victim, but it becomes a problem when we become STUCK in these feelings. At the root of victimhood is a refusal to forgive.

 

How do you move out of victimhood? Set your intentions:

 

1. to forgive those who have wronged you

2. to be impeccable with your word

3. to not to take anything personally

 

 

It is easy to say the words I forgive you, but another thing to feel it in your heart. If you are willing to forgive, the how will be taken care of.

 

You have to practice discipline and awareness to put impeccability of your word into action. Words have energy and that that energy can create or destroy, being mindful of your words will help you to remember that you have a responsibility for the affect you're having on other people as well yourself. One fear of doubt planted in our minds can create a steady stream of drama. Be impeccable with your word also means that you take responsibility for your actions without blaming or judging yourself or others. Being impeccable with your word means you to avoid gossip, the ultimate negativity in word energy.

 

Taking things personally is connected to your Ego’s need to feel important. Whatever you think and feel is your problem, it's not what someone says it hurts you; it is that what they said touches your personal wounds. No person, place, or thing has power over us. To step out of victimhood you have to be willing to change and express yourself in positive ways. Consistency in using positive energy words you say to others and about yourself will help you step out of victimhood easily and quickly. Realizing that what others say and do is about them not you, can help you to disconnect from responding to them in anger and frustration. You have the freedom to make choices to love yourself and others. That increases your energetic power indeed!

 


Posted By Love & Light, Sharron Magyar

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